Once you dive into this topic, you will likely feel guilt. Guilt about opportunities you have missed, guilt about things you have done, said or perpetrated that now in the light of research, look punitive, condescending or just plain mean. Okay, we have all been there. Yes, you have to apologize. You have to feel sincere remorse, talk to your child about your miss steps and then you have to move on.
When I say "feel sincere remorse", I mean feel it, in your soul. One thing that children, babies and young people are much, much better at than adults, is recognizing sincerity. They know a lie a mile away. They don't tolerate lies very well and it can make them really mad. If you are going to chat with your four year old about bringing more joy into your life, you better be sincere. Not only will they sniff out your insincerity, they will call you on it. So, lets clean up our own house first, then we can start cleaning up our past mistakes.
Give yourself permission to feel the pain of your own childhood. I am not talking about launching on a full psychoanalysis of your deep pain, I'm talking about the pain every child feels when their needs are not fully met. Of course if you have a deep, dark past that you cannot remember, go see a professional and start working on illuminating your past before you pass it on to your children.
Guilt is a powerful motivator. Use the guilt you feel to motivate you to change your path, lighten your load and help your children recapture the joy.
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