Defining the magic

I am sitting on the beach, taking in the patient surfers bobbing out in the swells, the young and old just taking in the beauty of the morning and I begin reading "Magical Parent Magical Child" by Michael Mendizza and Joseph Pearce, again. Somehow re-reading the classics always brings new meaning and this moment I feel ready for new insights.

After a half hour, I look back at my book, I have a habit of turning over the corner on pages that have particular meaning or need to be revisited. Of the 40 pages I have ready, 25 of them have their corners turned. This is one powerful book. Every educator, parent, grand parent and law maker should read it. But reality tells me that it is probably more likely that someone will find and read this blog, then find and read this classic. So my thoughts shift to the challenge of summarizing the brilliance of this book into a few paragraphs that parents can get excited about.

Here goes...

"True learning is play, and effortless. Learning through fear is conditioning, and breeds violence. The child plays and learns if given a safe-space. The parent rediscovers their own safe space by creating it for the child."

Sounds so simple. As I read this thought again, I look around and see the evidence of what is really happening in American families within earshot of me. A little three year old, playing with the sand, tosses a handful into the air to see what will happen. Dad grabs his hand, scolds him, tells him he is disturbing some stranger, struggles with him and gives him a "time out". The child is crying, the "stranger" is struggling for words and the dad has just disturbed the five other people within earshot by creating such a disturbing scene.

Wow, not a learning environment over there. From my prospective on the beach, the 3- year old had just found himself in an endless sand box, a breeze is blowing and the only logical game to play is "throw the sand". What happens to sand when it is thrown? How far does it fly? What does it feel like when it comes down onto my skin? Can I catch it? The "stranger" who was supposedly "disturbed", was me. And I can't image going to the beach and not expecting, in fact desiring, a little sand flying around. I, too, am interested in how it feels in Waikiki versus the hard sands of California.

So you may be thinking, "I wouldn't let my three-year old throw sand at the beach, it annoys people". Is there a solution?

Back to "Magical Parent Magical Child- "When our attention is low (as with this dad) the reflex system operates automatically (threaten, grab, time-out). As attention increases our response to the world is more attuned to the present and potentially more intelligent, less reflexive. The greater the attention, the more intelligence we bring to the moment. The important factor is attention".

Back to the beach... Dad sees the 3-year old experimenting with the sand. Sees the magical wonder of this discovery that sand is light enough to fly away on the breeze. appreciates it for what it is an "optimal learning moment" and joins in. Probably inviting the child to throw as much sand as he wants, as he knowingly moves him to a less populated part of the beach. Expands the learning with pouring sand through a funnel, seeing the difference between dry and wet sand, and letting the sand play evolve into sand castles, motes and off into the imaginary play of the child.

This is being a magical parent. going into the play with the child, giving it attention, avoiding reflexive scolding.

Conscious parenting is no harder than unconscious parenting. It is just different. It is respectful and kind. The only way we can "train" our children to be respectful and kind, is by modeling it over and over. Bribing, manipulating and tricking children into doing what you want breeds resentment and shame.